A little introspection and a lot of tears

Hi.



I saw an interview with Rob Thomas in which he explained that his song "Her Diamonds" refers to his viewpoint of his wife's battle with a rare autoimmune disorder. The song perfectly describes many days/nights in my household.

Warning: I still cry everytime I hear it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNCgfrjKcqs&feature=avmsc2

That's all for today,
-S

Adventure before the adventure

Hey there,

We expected to be on our way to Ontario, WI for our yearly camping and canoeing experience, but we're very behind schedule. Last night was a doozy. Nope, not my health...the weather.

The storms started in the evening and just didn't stop coming. It's 11am now and there are still raindrops. Anyway, I was a little panicked sometime after 10pm last night, so I was up and pacing around the house. Suddenly, I heard the LOUDEST thunderclap that I've heard in my entire life. Since I was in the windowless hallway, I couldn't see the corresponding lighting, but my hubby said it was close.

Anyway, it was a couple of hours before we realized that the water did not work. Once we did, there was a string of profanities and a potential list of issues running through our heads,. My hubby went downstairs and came to the conclusion (after a dangerous move that resulted in shocking himself) that our well pump was fried. This morning, the plumber confirmed it. The kicker? Since our well is about 200 feet deep, they need to come in with a big truck to do the repair. The even bigger kicker? They can't come out until the ground is dry, which means we have to wait until at LEAST Monday to have the repair done. No water until Monday!!!! Thank God for our wonderful neighbors who let us shower at their place this morning and told us to come over any time to use their bathroom! In the meantime, we're heading for our canoe trip and will hopefully come home to dry ground on Sunday.

As for how I feel today...well, I feel stressed, which is not helping my back spasms, but this is my favorite trip of the year so I'm going to tough it out...mostly because the campground has flushable toilets and we don't. :)

Party on!
-S

I think I know what I want to say now...

O.K. I think I know how I want to say what I want to say now. And, since this is my soapbox, I'm going to stand on it.

I'm extremely grateful for all of my blessings and I thank God every day for them, but there is something that I want to put out there.

The thing that bothers me is when people tell me how lucky I am to have a husband who takes care of me. Yes, I am very lucky that I met my husband at the age of 19 and that he will spend his evenings taking care of the cooking and the housework, along with whatever I need to be more comfortable. I have more to share on that, but I don't want to go off on a tangent. However, I the definition of "taking care of me" bothers me when it is used in a monetary sense.

When the economy started to turn, we sat down and realized that one or both of us could end up unemployed. So...we started saving and sacrificing to prepare for such a scenario. We rarely went out to eat, we took no vacations, kept the terrible-looking paid off car, gave up little purchases like Starbucks, and we considered every single, solitary purchase before we bought anything, and we put money away for over 2 years. Above and beyond that, we've never lived beyond our means. We live in an older home that we fixed up ourselves, we haven't used a credit card in a few years and we're always the last people I know to get the latest, fancy technology. So, when my health got to the point that I knew I would never be able to be ok without taking time off of work, we decided that this was the time to use those reserves. Over the next couple of months, we saved every single penny we could muster to further pad our reserves. This is not a case of luck. This is a case of two people who mutually decided to be fiscally responsible. Either of us would have probably done the same thing individually.


I'm really not an expert on the matter, but I want to share something from my experience with this. Being lucky in anything takes at least some amount of work. Most lottery winners have been investing in tickets for years and years before they won--you have to go through the effort of getting the numbers before yours can be called. So please, look behind the surface before assuming that someone is merely lucky. I know that I need to work more on doing the same.

Thanks :)
-S

The new adventures of old Sarah

I'm such a mess. Seriously, a total mess. WRECKED. The last two days brought on the worst back spasms I've ever experienced. I'm not even sure how they started. It could have been a yoga workout that I tried, or painting on a ladder, or moving laundry, or picking up my growing nephews, or just turning my head wrong, but I have hardly slept in the last 48 hours. I tried everything and nothing to fix this spasm, yet it continues to spread.

Today, I finally turned to the source of all knowledge for help: Facebook. I made my plea for someone, ANYONE to share knowledge of how to make the pain go away. My cousin came through instantly, followed soon after by a friend who has unfortunately probably dealt with even more pain than I have in my life. The answer? A raquetball or tennis ball. Since I'm an avid tennis player (when I can be), I grabbed two cans of balls and a gross old softball sock of my hubby's and made myself a back massager. 1/2 an hour later, I realized that there wasn't just one spasm in my back, but several. I couldn't tell where the root of all evil was, so I dropped a quick note to my hubby that said something along the lines of it being neccesary to spend a ton of money for a massage. Let me tell ya, it was worth it! $74.95 after tip for the most healing hour of my life. I can still tell that my back wants to freak out on me, but at least now I know where to put the tennis ball. In the meantime, I chugged down some water and ate some fruit, and now I'm debating whether lying on the wood floor or taking a walk is the right next move to keep this healing train on the tracks.

Otherwise, I feel the feeling creeping back from my last nerve block. That can't be a good sign. I'm hoping that at least holds off until my back is fixed! I've been doing this camp and canoe thing for a few years now, starting the year that my big mess was diagnosed. I still can't believe that I'm about to camp for two nights as the mess that I am. I'm sure there will be a story or two to share at the end of it.

So, I'll end here for now and will hopefully get to the thoughts that have been swirling in my brain and dying to get out for some time in my next post. Curious? I hope so. It's more fun for me that way.

-S

Nerve block update and the bike story

Aloha!

Thanks to the good Lord that today is better. It's 1:10 in the afternoon and I've only taken a total of 1 percoset (1/2 in the morning, 1/2 just a minute ago). I still have a considerable numbness, but I think I'm down to what I should have as the result of the block. It's still an unsettling feeling to sit down and not be able to feel part of my butt check. I'm afraid to say this for fear of jinxing it, but I feel like this might be a successful block. The downside is that these blocks are really only a temporary solution so no one knows how long this will last. As for the longer-term plan, I am still making progress. Instead of just walking for exercise, I'm getting some real cardio workouts along with a 1/2 hour of yoga daily.

Otherwise, I have a bike story to share...

My hubby acquired a free Trek mountain bike and brought it home for me. Excited to go biking, I bought a helmet and took off for a short 2 mile ride in the hilly area where I live (on an 85 degree day). Turns out, I don't remember how to properly shift gears and I ended up flying down hills and then struggling to get up others. By the time I got back to my subdivision, I was absolutely worn down. Sad to say, I had to walk the bike up the last hill to my house, and then I rolled down my steep driveway. By the time I walked into the house, I could barely walk. Then a few minutes later, I found myself shaking and throwing up in the kitchen sink! After that, I couldn't cool down and couldn't stop shaking. I obviously pushed myself to far, and the heat did not help. The next day, my legs were fine, but my regular pain was so bad that I spent most of the day laying down.

And...back to the present. Since I'm feeling well enough, I'm going to get out of the house and run some errands, and then will take a little walk to enjoy this beautiful day. Oh yes, and I must give a shout out to my sister Zan (who many know as Suzanne). She wanted to elope, but let it out of the bag that she is engaged and will be getting married this September!!!!!!

Much love to all of you who continue to support me!
-S

Today is a better day...so far

Well, last night sucked. It was another evening and night where nothing calmed down my pain. I had to wait it out until sleep finally overtook me sometime after 11pm. The worst part is that I couldn't specifically point to the pain. It felt like the pain overtook the entire left side of my torso (minus the part that is still totally numb). On the 1-10 scale, I was at a high 8.

I woke up feeling much better and the pain has been much easier to manage today. Experimenting on my own, I slathered Ben Gay across my stomach this morning and it seemed to help a bit. I'm really happy because I've only taken two percosets so far today (and feel ok) as compared to yesterday when I had taken five by this time (that really weren't helping at all).

Otherwise, the day has been really low key for me. I dragged myself through some yoga and a very short 1/2 mile walk around the neighborhood. After that, I went to the garden and brought in some squash and lettuce for dinner. And now....here I am, patiently waiting for tomorrow to see if I feel any better.

-S

Today really hurts

Well, I'm still totally numb in a small area, but enough of it wore off that I'm feelin' some pain today. I swear, I must block this pain out every single time because I never remember how bad it is until my husband reminds me. I hope there isn't more than a day of this left because it's pretty miserable.

The pain didn't stop me from going out of the house today though. I was determined to go kayak shopping this weekend and we got it done! We went to four different stores to find the boat that best accomodates my pain issues, including one store that was on a waterfront where I was able to take a real test-drive. In the end, we're ordering online to save some money and I am praying that we get our new kayaks by next weekend so that we can take them out.

For now--I'm resting and hoping to turn in early again tonight.
More later.
-S

This one's all about my butt.

Hi,

Yes, I'm O.K. after my nerve block. It's still going to be a few days before I know the results though because the doctor numbed me up pretty good and some of the short-term numbing med is still working 2 1/2 days later.

Anyway, this nerve block was much different than the last 6 because the doc went after a different part of my pudendal nerve. Normally, he does a block on both sides of my abdominal/pelvic region and the needles go in through my back. This time, we were targeting a very specific area of continued pain. Little did I know, the needle went through my lower-left butt cheek!!! In the pre-op convo, the doc and I agreed that he would knock me out cold (as opposed to previous times where I remembered the whole thing). He also informed me that in addition, he would be numbing up the area really good so that the numbing would last a day or two. I didn't think to ask why, but I speculate now that he thought it would help me avoid some of my normal post-op pain. It did, but let me tell ya, I still can't feel most of my left butt cheek, among some other things, and it's VERY unsettling. However, as soon as some feeling came back, I realized that I probably had a bit of a bruised bum. After asking my hubby to check it out (which he eagerly did), I was quickly informed that I have a HUGE bruise around the needle mark. Great. I had high hopes that the Stimate that I take before each block to counteract my VonWillebrand blood disorder would prevent bruising of this magnitude, but I was not so lucky this time.

In addition to this event on Friday, my sister Zan was back in town, this time with her new boyfriend. Since I always seem to miss her when she is in town, I was determined not to miss her again. So, I rested for the afternoon, and then my hubby and I made the short trek to my parents' place. It was a nice time for me, and I hope that her new bf wasn't too frightened by us.

Well, time for me to turn it in for the night...with an ice pack strapped to my behind. :)

-S

Is medicine really a science, or just an expensive form of art?

Hey ya'll.

Well, I'm heading in for nerve block #7 on Friday. I'm hoping for greater results this time because my last week has been really painful--painful to the point that two percosets taken with two strong muscle relaxers and a long, hot bath didn't even take the edge off of the pain. So bad that for the first time in a couple of months, I was curled up in a little ball sobbing and feeling like I would never be ok again. While the nerve blocks have helped with a lot of my pain, I'm still researching other methods of pain relief that do not require hospital gowns, sedation, radiation, and needles shoved through my back. The number of strangers (albiet medical professionals) that have seen me naked in the last few years is definitely in the 100's. Not cool.

Anyway, about the title of this post--I keep going through these blocks, but I've yet to walk away with significant, long-lasting relief. I also get to keep experimenting with different muscle relaxers, creams, pain patches, nerve medications, etc, and just haven't found that right combo yet. My Doc also mentioned the fact that he hasn't brought out "the big guns" yet. I kinda want to see them,even if there is a risk of permanent damage--enough messing around with things that don't work or sort of work.


And of course, Friday night is the ONE night that my sister Zan happens to be in town and the whole fam (minus the ones that don't live here) can get together for dinner. I miss so many things because of this pain. For example, my hubby's bro and his wife were over on Friday for dinner and a bonfire. I made it through dinner and a bit of TV watching, but missed the bonfire portion of the night due to pain. I couldn't even drag myself the 50 yards to my own firepit!!!


Otherwise, I've continued to work hard on putting myself back together. My PT sessions are pretty much over, and I'm continuing my home program of endless stretching and abdominal exercises. My abs are definitely stronger, but I've yet to see even a fraction of an inch drop from my waist!!! I'm hoping that will come soon. In addition, I've finally gotten back into yoga and am just starting to get some cardio in. Thanks to FitTV, I've discovered Bollywood Dance workouts and am having a blast burning calories while I shake it in my living room.

Next time: My story of how riding a bike is NOT like riding a bike and pictures of Jello. Yup---Jello.

Peace out.
-S