Hi,
It's 12:43 am right now. I'm always tired lately, yet I can't fall asleep at night. When I do, it's never for more than 2-3 hours at a time. Then I can't seem to nap during the day to make up for it. Lather, rinse, repeat. Ugh.
Well, I had planned to create a nice blog entry summarizing my 2009 and then my 2010 for myself and for newer readers, but that hasn't happened yet. Since this is not the time of night to try and recount events of the last 2 years, I'm just going to list a few updates since it's been awhile since I've posted.
The first thing on my mind is that I haven't seen the 54 year-old woman that I met my first day at the Y since the week that I met her. I'm really concerned that something happened. Moreover, I'm becoming concerned that she was not real. Not really, but it is strange that I haven't seen her at all.
Next is that I truly am doing far better than my complete health collapse of 2009, but it will still be a very, very long time before I may even have a chance of working full time again. I just had an appointment today and I was talking to my doctor about disability. We basically agreed that this is not quite yet the time to pursue it for two reasons: I am still improving (although slowly) and also that it is extremely difficult to be granted disability at my young age, so all bases have to be covered. I never, ever, EVER thought that this was going to be my path, but I'll talk about that more another day. This paragraph deserves to be expanded into its own post, because this experience has not just changed my outlook on life, but it has profoundly changed who I am as a person.
The Y has been great for me--I've met a few people closer to my age who are in similar health struggles and can relate to me. Other than that, Aqua Zumba is just plain fun. Unfortunately, I've had to take a week off due to a flare up of pretty much all of my problems and I can't wait to get back into the water. Otherwise, I just found a great pair of running shoes that I plan to use to slowly walk on the treadmill. :)
I've also been fighting against three medications that are generally responsible for significant weight gain. It's a miracle that I've been able to maintain my current weight for the last year, but I need to lose a bit to be able to better fight my fibromyalgia. After talking to my pain doctor today, I get to drastically reduce the dosage of my Gabapentin, so I'm excited to see if I can finally start losing some weight again.
As far as small victories are concerned, I'm finding more and more each week. I can unload the dishwasher everyday without wearing myself down or causing additional pain. When I take a pain pill, it actually takes the pain to a very low level, instead of just taking the edge off or doing nothing. I can finally sit down and read a book without being distracted by pain. I can focus on more complex news articles and books because my brain feels less "foggy". I can finally focus on the "I cans" instead of the "I can'ts".
Finally, I want to thank each and every person who has sent me a news article, webpage, contact, book title, suggestion, opinion, shoulder to cry on/vent at, etc. since I've opened up about my chronic pain issues. I feel so blessed to know that there are so many people out there that think of me and take the time to share something that you think may help. I take each to heart and consider it in my overall care. I also feel blessed to know that so many people have reached out to thank me for sharing this time of my life and have passed along my blog address to someone who may find some benefit. So, for anyone reading this blog who does not know me, I'd love to hear from you!
Cheers!
-S
