Where do I begin?

Gosh, it's been so long since I've posted anything. I don't even really know where to start. It's been a long couple of months. Maybe I'll start with today and then add some non-chronological bullet points.

I feel ok today--definitely not good or great. I have one big knot of pain in my abdomen and I can't really describe it. I can't make it go away either. Stretching, walking, moving, not moving, sitting, laying down and peppermint oil (read on) did not help. Neither did percoset or cyclobenzaprine.

As for days prior to today:

• I was in the ER last Thursday with the WORST migraine of my life, and that says a lot because I've lost count of the number of times migraines have brought me to the ER. I was literally screaming from the pain while I impatiently waited for the doctor for over two hours. At least I wasn't the guy that had maggots in his oozing leg--overhearing that made me even more nauseated.
• I've been getting massages lately, and they're fabulous. It started with a gift certificate, and then I bought a bulk package. This fabulous woman that I now see has similar health problems and is just fabulous. I'm trying her essential oils and natural pain relief cures and they are helping, with the exception of today. The result? I take far fewer painkillers than I was taking.
• I know what percoset withdrawal feels like. A year ago, I was taking over 300 in just 2 weeks time. Two months ago, I took 90 in a month. Three weeks ago, I had gone 4 days without taking even a portion of a pill, but I started to experience strong withdrawal symptoms. Sadly, I still need a 1/2 pill every so often so I'm stuck in this place where I have a lot of symptoms a lot of the time. I'm praying for the day that I don't need any and I feel great! It's just so unfair to have to go through that when I've never once abused the prescription.
• I had another nerve block. This was my best recovery yet because I literally did NOTHING for the few days following the procedure as opposed to breaking orders and going back to work the next day. It still hurts to recover, gut it goes much faster. Sadly, i think the block is wearing off yet again.
• I think I want to go back to work, but I'm not really ready. I have too many crappy days to sustain employment. That totally sucks. On the bright side, I'm still making good progress. Next week wil be six months since I've left my job, and a full year since the wheels came off and I had to go on medical leave for two months. I think I'll write more on this on another day.

OK, I'm in need of a nap. Til we meet again.

-S

Rule breaker

Rule #1 of how to live a semi-functional life with chronic pain: Always have a supply of prescribed painkillers on hand.

So there we were, sitting down at the Brewers game when I began to be very uncomfortable. Reaching into my bag, I realized that my painkillers were in my car. Note that this was during the first inning. Also of note is the fact that Miller Park has a "No re-entry" policy! So, as I debated what I would do for the next 3 hours sitting by myself in the parking lot while my hubby, brother-in-law and sister-in-law were watching the game, my hubby grabbed me by the hand and led me out of our seats so we could figure out how to get to the car. Fortunately, there is a re-entry policy when you need your meds. They only let one person go, and they thankfully let that person be my hubby. I don't think I looked like I was capable of making it there and back at the time. All in all, we only missed an uneventful inning.

How is it possible that I could forget this crucial piece of my well being? Well, because I have a long list of things that I need to go anywhere, especially for a baseball game. I'm now working on a specific baseball game checklist so that I can try to prevent this situation in the future.

Later gators,
-S

Great weekend!

I'm trying to figure out how to do things at a moderate pace and it just isn't working. This week's proof? The back pain I was complaining about is a sprain/strain. I'm told it will take about a month to heal. What a bummer. This news from the PT aside, I still "graduated" from PT on Friday. Thankfully, my flexibility work on my legs, through stretches and yoga, along with the strengthening work I've been doing on my abs, legs and back are paying off!!!! Sadly, my pants size is not reflecting with the change, so I've had to start counting calories in hopes that I can comfortably get back into some of my favorite clothes. Not that this is a bad thing. Many studies suggest that pain from endometriosis can be lessened by cutting out processed foods. So, I'm going more "au natural" with my diet...or at least closer to it.

All of that aside, I had a great weekend. Not only did I do some super-fun things, I rarely had to think about the fact that I have pain and medical issues to deal with. Can't complain about that!

Hope you all had wonderful weekends as well! Make it a great week!
-S

A little introspection and a lot of tears

Hi.



I saw an interview with Rob Thomas in which he explained that his song "Her Diamonds" refers to his viewpoint of his wife's battle with a rare autoimmune disorder. The song perfectly describes many days/nights in my household.

Warning: I still cry everytime I hear it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNCgfrjKcqs&feature=avmsc2

That's all for today,
-S

Adventure before the adventure

Hey there,

We expected to be on our way to Ontario, WI for our yearly camping and canoeing experience, but we're very behind schedule. Last night was a doozy. Nope, not my health...the weather.

The storms started in the evening and just didn't stop coming. It's 11am now and there are still raindrops. Anyway, I was a little panicked sometime after 10pm last night, so I was up and pacing around the house. Suddenly, I heard the LOUDEST thunderclap that I've heard in my entire life. Since I was in the windowless hallway, I couldn't see the corresponding lighting, but my hubby said it was close.

Anyway, it was a couple of hours before we realized that the water did not work. Once we did, there was a string of profanities and a potential list of issues running through our heads,. My hubby went downstairs and came to the conclusion (after a dangerous move that resulted in shocking himself) that our well pump was fried. This morning, the plumber confirmed it. The kicker? Since our well is about 200 feet deep, they need to come in with a big truck to do the repair. The even bigger kicker? They can't come out until the ground is dry, which means we have to wait until at LEAST Monday to have the repair done. No water until Monday!!!! Thank God for our wonderful neighbors who let us shower at their place this morning and told us to come over any time to use their bathroom! In the meantime, we're heading for our canoe trip and will hopefully come home to dry ground on Sunday.

As for how I feel today...well, I feel stressed, which is not helping my back spasms, but this is my favorite trip of the year so I'm going to tough it out...mostly because the campground has flushable toilets and we don't. :)

Party on!
-S

I think I know what I want to say now...

O.K. I think I know how I want to say what I want to say now. And, since this is my soapbox, I'm going to stand on it.

I'm extremely grateful for all of my blessings and I thank God every day for them, but there is something that I want to put out there.

The thing that bothers me is when people tell me how lucky I am to have a husband who takes care of me. Yes, I am very lucky that I met my husband at the age of 19 and that he will spend his evenings taking care of the cooking and the housework, along with whatever I need to be more comfortable. I have more to share on that, but I don't want to go off on a tangent. However, I the definition of "taking care of me" bothers me when it is used in a monetary sense.

When the economy started to turn, we sat down and realized that one or both of us could end up unemployed. So...we started saving and sacrificing to prepare for such a scenario. We rarely went out to eat, we took no vacations, kept the terrible-looking paid off car, gave up little purchases like Starbucks, and we considered every single, solitary purchase before we bought anything, and we put money away for over 2 years. Above and beyond that, we've never lived beyond our means. We live in an older home that we fixed up ourselves, we haven't used a credit card in a few years and we're always the last people I know to get the latest, fancy technology. So, when my health got to the point that I knew I would never be able to be ok without taking time off of work, we decided that this was the time to use those reserves. Over the next couple of months, we saved every single penny we could muster to further pad our reserves. This is not a case of luck. This is a case of two people who mutually decided to be fiscally responsible. Either of us would have probably done the same thing individually.


I'm really not an expert on the matter, but I want to share something from my experience with this. Being lucky in anything takes at least some amount of work. Most lottery winners have been investing in tickets for years and years before they won--you have to go through the effort of getting the numbers before yours can be called. So please, look behind the surface before assuming that someone is merely lucky. I know that I need to work more on doing the same.

Thanks :)
-S

The new adventures of old Sarah

I'm such a mess. Seriously, a total mess. WRECKED. The last two days brought on the worst back spasms I've ever experienced. I'm not even sure how they started. It could have been a yoga workout that I tried, or painting on a ladder, or moving laundry, or picking up my growing nephews, or just turning my head wrong, but I have hardly slept in the last 48 hours. I tried everything and nothing to fix this spasm, yet it continues to spread.

Today, I finally turned to the source of all knowledge for help: Facebook. I made my plea for someone, ANYONE to share knowledge of how to make the pain go away. My cousin came through instantly, followed soon after by a friend who has unfortunately probably dealt with even more pain than I have in my life. The answer? A raquetball or tennis ball. Since I'm an avid tennis player (when I can be), I grabbed two cans of balls and a gross old softball sock of my hubby's and made myself a back massager. 1/2 an hour later, I realized that there wasn't just one spasm in my back, but several. I couldn't tell where the root of all evil was, so I dropped a quick note to my hubby that said something along the lines of it being neccesary to spend a ton of money for a massage. Let me tell ya, it was worth it! $74.95 after tip for the most healing hour of my life. I can still tell that my back wants to freak out on me, but at least now I know where to put the tennis ball. In the meantime, I chugged down some water and ate some fruit, and now I'm debating whether lying on the wood floor or taking a walk is the right next move to keep this healing train on the tracks.

Otherwise, I feel the feeling creeping back from my last nerve block. That can't be a good sign. I'm hoping that at least holds off until my back is fixed! I've been doing this camp and canoe thing for a few years now, starting the year that my big mess was diagnosed. I still can't believe that I'm about to camp for two nights as the mess that I am. I'm sure there will be a story or two to share at the end of it.

So, I'll end here for now and will hopefully get to the thoughts that have been swirling in my brain and dying to get out for some time in my next post. Curious? I hope so. It's more fun for me that way.

-S